Having recently gone through a breakup, I was confronted with the question of "what do you do with the ex's stuff?" You know, the stuffed animals, the sweatshirt, the kitchy souvenirs from his trip to Yellowstone... Let's face it, you really don't
need any of it. But you just can't bear to part with that soft little duck or those ratty boxer shorts. They're memories.
I generally am of the camp that you can keep most of it. Get rid of what is not all that important to you and isn't useful, but keeping the stuff should not be a big deal. For me, my pattern seems to be keep the gifts, get rid of what you "stole" (ie oversized t-shirts that you stole to sleep in but don't really need). Gifts are ok to keep because they're yours. They were gifts. You get gifts from lots of people. The one murky area for me in my latest breakup was his "ARMY" sweatshirt. I am very anti-war, so I wore this purely because it was his and I would feel like a hypocrite wearing it now. So if I kept it, it would simply take up space in my very cramped New York apartment. In the end, I tried to give it back to him, but he asked me to keep it, so I did. There was one thing of mine that I asked my first serious boyfriend to keep, and I would be hurt if I found out he got rid of it. So I will keep the sweatshirt.
Then I watched a How I Met Your Mother re-run (good show if you haven't seen it. you can watch it on cbs.com) about the exact same topic. In the episode, Robin finds out that stuff in Ted's apartment is from his ex-girlfriend and she asks him to get rid of it because if she knows it's from them, she will only be able to see them when she looks at the stuff. To her, the fact that he held onto it made her feel that he still had feelings for them. Ted thought this was ridiculous until he found out that her dogs were from her ex-boyfriends and then he kept seeing her ex-boyfriends every time he looked at the dogs. Robin at first argued that they are living things so they don't count in the "get rid of stuff" category, but in the end she changed her mind and got rid of them.
So what do you think? What are the rules when it comes to "the stuff"?
Comments (4)
OMG! I know what you mean about the binging/purging sites! Definitely can't leave stars on those pages. I'm always surprised when someone with that type of blog leaves a comment because I always thought they'd want to stay within their own "circle," you know?
I also don't have a problem keeping useful exboyfriend-items after breakups. The only things I toss are letters and photos because they don't have a purpose after the relationship ends. I guess when you don't equate items with the relationship, you don't have the problem of being reminded of the ex everytime you see the stuff.
And I agree with Robin's first argument that the dogs didn't count because they were alive. She should have kept them...or given them to me! :P
I keep what I feel I just can't part with and try to just trash the rest. Or give it away but whatever. I usually keep the jewelry (I call it "compensation") LOL....but everything else just needs to go. Except for pictures...I keep those too, just put them in a box in the closet so I'm not always stumbling upon them by accident and having random mid-afternoon cry sessions.
Also, I wanted to note that I liked what you said about women on the sex vs. love blog post. Kudos!
I rarely blog nor comment, but got here from Dantingish featured blog. I broke up nearly at the same time as you, and I think it really depends on how you feel. If you are not dating anyone, keep them as long as you'd like. I see most of my friends keep things in a box until they are completely comfortable throwing them out. For me, it seems to depend on every situation. I kept a pretty pricey antique clock but left it at home when moving, and usually keep things like books or clothing. But I have to admit, I chucked away a good size crystal figurine and new Emporio Armani clothes before. Didn't even feel like selling them. Straight through the trash, after a bad break-up.
I am sure your future date/bf would understand electronics or other tangible goods that are not so personal. If he doesn't know it and as long as you are comfortable with it. But it may be a good idea to reorganize and get rid of/sell items such as stuffed animals, hand-made goods, and personal jewelry like rings/heart shaped necklaces, etc.
Good Luck!!