I'm starting to get disheartened. My date tonight was kind of disappointing. He's nice and at least he's smart. But he's pretty short and not as attractive as he looked in his pictures. Plus he talks about engineering way too much. It's one thing if you have a job that I know a little bit about. And some of it was interesting. But most of it... wasn't. I'm not sure we really have many common interests and he doesn't seem like he really likes to do much. *sigh* Maybe we can be friends? But I feel bad playing the friend card with all these guys because I know most of them are on this site expecting more. In fact, I'm talking to him online right now and he definitely expects more. He's flirting hardcore and talking about cuddling and stuff. Ay yi yi...
I'm getting kind of fed up. I may give up soon. I have a date next week, and I may make a date with this one other guy I've been talking to. But if those don't go well, I'm done.
Oh, and The Guy Who Proposes Before He Even Meets You just said something about me giving him "mouth to mouth" because he was sad and he didn't get a job he wanted. *shudders* Gross. I blocked him. And now I have to block him on Facebook and OkCupid. And he has my music blog address, and I know he'll check it to see if I'm alive (he did before). I have no way to block him from that. Oy. I hope he doesn't turn into a stalker. See, this is what happens when I don't follow my own rules about not giving out my personal information... I hope he didn't save my telephone number off of facebook before I blocked him...
Any advice for handling these types of situations? I've never been good at rejecting people (it's that midwestern fear of confrontation...). And I'm going to have to reject The Engineer I think. I don't think he's going to get the "just friends" thing on his own. I'd like to be friends with him, but how do I let him down easy?
Comments (8)
Honestly? Just be honest. Let him know there wasn't a love connection for you, but you wouldn't mind being just friends if he's up for it. If he's not...well, then you probably wouldn't want to be around him, anyway, right?
-Katie
You've met, what, three or four guys? You've been doing this for, what, a month? Give it some more time.
You might try being a little smarter in your approach, though. First, you should expand beyond OkCupid. Second, have someone go over your profile and make sure it really sounds like it says what you *think* it says. It's easier if you find someone who doesn't know you, and someone who knows you quite well, and ask both to review it.
I agree with akatiegirl, being honest is the best. I would rather a woman be honest than have to deal with the guilt and annoyance of continuing to 'date' me because she cannot figure out another way to end it. It leads to worse things.
Don't give up on dating. (This way I'll have hope that interesting women such as yourself are still available!)
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - Any sites you would recommend (that are free...)? I'm going to try some non-dating but still meeting people type sites (from the entry I posted I think 2 days ago). But I'm not sure what dating sites are free, versus you have to pay, but they don't tell you that you have to pay until after you've filled out a million questions and totally wasted your time.
@uwrote - Aawww... Thanks. Good luck to you too! Not sure why you're having trouble with the online thing since you didn't really write much about your tactics and stuff, but if you want to give me more info I can critique
Like la_fairie said, perhaps you should have some people critique your online profile. I had a friend of mine do it, but she knows me really well. Perhaps I should get someone who doesn't know me very well.
@akatiegirl - I know I should be honest. But honesty is so hard sometimes! I am from the midwest and I have been raised not to ever confront or offend anybody! haha. I have to let the New Yorker in me kick in who doesn't care about other people.
@hopelessromantic - Honestly, I haven't really done the online dating thing!
But a google search gives this as the most promising site specifically for smart people (top 15%). They have a "culturally-unbiased" test for admission, and it's free. The only problem you might encounter would be a bunch of arrogant narcissistic jackasses, but I think that, in general, your pool will be better than on OkCupid.
The meetup.com idea is a great one, too.
yup, i'm in with the rest, you just have to give it to him straight. he'll respect you more for it. it really is harder to be the rejector than the rejected! (well for those of us without a stone cold heart that is) i think my current line of choice is, "i think your're a cool person, but i think you'd be better with someone else." if they still don't get it, i say, "i don' think we're compatible, sorry!"
I know all about blocking weirdos on Facebook. I think honesty is the best policy in this situation. Rejection is part of the dating game, and sometimes you have to be upfront with people. Just let him know that you didn't feel anything romantically with him, but that you would like to be friends with him. I know it's sometimes hard to build up the courage to reject someone, but if there is no love connection, it's not good to lead the person on.
Leading him on in any way would lead to a worse outcome then if you were to just tell him straight out, for both your sakes. You're a level headed woman and I think you're going to make the right decisions, just have a little patience on the love part.Â