So it's 1:30am on a Saturday night (or I guess it would be Sunday morning now). I just got back from date #2 with
The Frat Boy. I'll write about that later. The reason I find myself having to write right now is as follows:
On my way home, I was waiting for the subway and there was this guy. He was cute. But then I saw him check out this other guy, so I was like "or not..." But the other guy was pretty cute too. And he seemed straight. We happened to make eye contact and kind of check each other out. Then the train came and we landed right between cars. While he was technically closer to the other car, he came into the very empty car that I came into and he sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but for anyone who knows subway etiquette, when the subway is relatively empty, you don't sit next to strangers. See, New Yorkers like to have their space (space is a precious commodity here). So people tend to sit as far away from each other as is humanly possible. There were TONS of seats open, but he sat in the middle seat right next to me.
But then he didn't say anything to me. Not a word. I really thought he was going to strike up a conversation and I was kind of looking forward to it. But instead, we both sat in silence with our iPods, bobbing along. Some of you will say that's the problem - the earphones. It makes you unapproachable. But I disagree. Many people have spoken to me when I've had my iPod on and every time (barring beggars or crazies), I have gladly taken my headphones out of my ears and given people directions or whatever it was they needed. He could've very easily tapped me on the shoulder and started talking. I wasn't about to say anything to him because it's entirely possible that I'm just self-centered and he is completely oblivious of subway social norms and him sitting next to me had nothing to do with me. Anyway, I'm starting to think maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but then...
Not quite one stop away from mine, his leg touches mine in a very deliberate way. I'm not taking up too much space, and there's a big ol' space on the other side of him, so there's NO reason for his leg to be touching mine. Another thing about subway etiquette: you don't touch strangers. If you do accidentally, you immediatly pull away and adjust yourself so that it will have the least likelihood of happening again. In his case, that would be incredibly easy - he would just need to move over one or two inches. Anyway, so I leave my leg there for a second, so that I don't give off the vibe that I'm disgusted by his presence, but then I feel awkward so I try to discretely move my leg away (let's face it. I've become a New Yorker and I don't like strangers touching me when I don't know their intentions, even if they're cute). So then he moves his leg away. But then it gradually comes back. Slowly but surely more and more of his leg is touching mine. We're very close to my stop at this point, so I leave my leg there and try to send "if you want to make a move, do it now or forever hold your peace" vibes. And he doesn't say a word. Just keeps his leg against mine. My stop comes, I get up and walk off the train and up the stairs, never to see him again.
Many of you might be wondering what the point of this story is. The point of this story is to ask the question: Where is it socially acceptable to meet people? Theoretically, anywhere. You hear stories all the time of chance meetings in miscellaneous places. But really, that's not true. I met a guy on the subway once and all my friends were like "that's sketchy." And I felt kind of sketchy just saying "I met this guy on the subway." Unfortunately, he did turn out to be sketchy. But there are plenty of perfectly normal, attractive guys who ride the subway. For some reason they just won't ever say anything to you because it's not really socially acceptable. And why is it more acceptable to meet people in bars than on the subway? That seems almost sketchier to me than a chance meeting on your commute home. What if your soulmate is on the subway sitting across from you, but neither of you has the guts to say anything to each other because it's "sketchy" to meet people on the subway? Or just walking down the street. New Yorkers don't talk to strangers on the street, so that would probably be considered sketchy too (and the constant cat-calling from sleazy guys kind of gives any approach on the street a bad rep). That makes me sad. I would like to think that it's socially acceptable for me to meet people anywhere. Regardless of love, think of all the friends people could be missing out on making by limiting where they can meet people.
Where do you think it is socially acceptabe to meet people?
Comments (6)
As a fellow New Yorker, it was hard for me to read that and not want to shiver.
I think maybe I have it wrong.
Wait, let me back up. I think it is socially acceptable to meet someone anywhere except in the bathroom. There you'll just have to wash up first. (Sorry, couldn't resist as I have the urge to wash.)
So, as a guy, I don't think I'd like to stick my leg against a woman I found attractive but do not know. I think that is kind of socially creepy. Now, it is just me. It might be why I'm not good at approaching women. Maybe I should.
I barely hold, hug, kiss my friends. Maybe it is my background or culture.
But to meet someone, anywhere is possible. I've seen people meet on the bus and exchange phone numbers. Heck, I have had friends who have gotten numbers from women on line at a fast food joint. (Then again, those were terribly handsome.) (I hate them but can't cause they're my friends.) (Besides, I knew some of them before they came into their looks.)
(Excuse me, I will be right back. I need to wash.)
(Shiver)
It's interesting, i've actually had this convo with some friends. I'm a new yorker too, sometimes i hate the subway, (hated it when i had my car) but for the most part, it's an interesting ride to wherever it is im going. I've actually seen people get approached in the subway so it's no big deal but your right though, you can meet anyone in the subway and who;s to say they aren't your future? I think the subway is a perfect place to meet ppl, everyone takes it including the perfectly sane.
He should just have said something to you, you should have brazenly hit on him, IE, "nice ass." But I'm the direct kind of person so that might not be for you, but a simple, whatcha listening to and what not is good too. It is strange to meet people on subways though but worse comes to worse, it could just have been two people having a conversation you know? I suppose my directness comes from the fact that I'm a Bostonian and we're just weird like hat. =P
i guess i see both sides. if he talks to you and it's awkward, you're kind of stuck together for the remainder of the ride. however, if it's just friendly chat and then you see where it goes, it's no problem. i've had heaps of single serving friends on modes of transportation (made small talk with the cutest australian guy in the airport while waiting for the plane) and although most of them don't turn into friendships or dates, well, you never know where you're going to meet someone, right? admittedly the leg thing is creepy and if he wanted to talk to you he should've just talked to you, so he gets a thumbs down. too bad for him.
Frat Boy didn't have the grace to escort you home, even if only on the subway?
And as for this guy, you should have said something, up until the point where he was brushing his leg against you. That's creepy, and should signal the end of the exchange.
@SleepyHead - I hate the subway too. Most of the time. But I also love it because driving in this city can suck. Parking is a nightmare. And when I want to go out drinking, it's nice not to have to have a designated driver. But I don't think I've ever really seen people exchange phone numbers on the subway or bus. Maybe I'm just riding the wrong lines? haha.
@itiscomplicated - Yeah, I'm definitely way too shy to say something like "nice ass" to a stranger. I thought about asking him what he was listening to. But I felt that since he sat next to me, he should be the first to talk. Oh well.
@uwrote - I guess in its own way it is kind of creepy. I didn't really think of it as such at the time because I always think New Yorkers with their personal bubbles are a little much and the whole "how dare you invade my personal space" attitude is kind of silly, but I guess in retrospect, it is kind of creepy.
@rosiegiggles@xanga - I have also made single serving friends, especially in airports or on planes. And even a few times on the subway. But I've always wondered why they're only single serving friends. One guy and I even shared a bit of an adventure because the train we were on got re-routed and we had to figure out where we were going together. We had fun and we had a nice conversation but that was it. No number exchange or anything. Maybe there's just something wrong with me and I don't know it... Haha.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - On the contrary, Frat Boy tried to invite himself home with me (he was "really tired and wanted to crash at my place" even though my place was further away than his), but I wasn't about to let that happen so I escorted myself home. He did offer to walk me to the subway so I'll give him a few points for that. But it was an hour and a half subway ride from where we were and he lives outside the city, so I wasn't about to make him ride the subway for 3 hours and then get himself home to his suburb.