Yesterday I went on an all-day date with The Frat Boy. First we went to the Natural History Museum. It was packed for some reason, but it was still pretty cool. I hadn't gotten to see much of it the other time I went, so this time I got to see most of the rest of it. After that, we went to Dave and Busters for dinner and games. He used the tickets we won to get me a stuffed animal, which was sweet but honestly made me feel a little weird. Most guys don't get me stuffed animals until we've been dating for a while. Besides, they don't have the same sentimental value unless you've been dating for a while. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Am I just crazy?
Next we went to this bar, which is a very fratty bar. In fact, there was a frat reunion going on when we got there, so I was one of maybe 7 girls in the entire bar (this is why I've never really understood the whole concept of Frats). The bar was really not my scene, but they had foos ball and pool, which I like, so we played those games and then we left. When we left, though, we went to meet his best friend nearby and his best friend's girlfriend. That I also felt a little weird about because it's only our second date and I'm already meeting the best friend? I didn't meet my best friend's boyfriend until they had been dating for more than 6 months.
I guess I've come to realize that I like him, but not enough. This time around he didn't know what Scientology was and I'm getting sick of having to explain everything to him. And I'm certainly not ready to move as quickly as he seems to want to move. He got progressively touchier throughout the day, and toward the end I was kind of uncomfortable. At one point, I also realized that he's not quite tall enough for my liking. I used to be fine dating short guys (as long as they weren't shorter than me) but lately that doesn't seem to be true. I leaned my head on his shoulder and I'm not used to having to actually lean in order to do that. My last boyfriend's shoulder was perfectly placed so that my head naturally ended up there because he's 10 inches taller than me. The thing that really killed it though was at the end of the night when he asked to come home with me. I was just like "no." Seriously? It's our second date. You don't get to invite yourself over. When I'm ready for you to come over, I'll invite you. Then he acted like I was being mean because I wouldn't let him come home with me. He tried to make it seem all innocent, like he was just too tired to drive. But the subway ride home for me was longer than the drive home for him, so I wasn't going to let that fly either. At the end of the night, we did kiss but he's not even a very good kisser.
But see, now I feel bad. I mean, he got me a freaking stuffed animal! I met his best friend! How mean is that if I end things now? Gah! I need to grow a spine and stop worrying about whether I'm being "nice." Dating isn't about being "nice." Especially online dating, where rejection is a frequent and impersonal thing.
Comments (8)
If you already know it's not going to happen, then it's much more cruel to string him along than to end it now.
How tall are you, btw? 10 inches difference is a lot!
I don't think the stuff animal is that big of a deal. Perhaps he is a gift giver.
Now the going home part is a bit much for me. Then again it would depend on his motives really. If it was to walk you home, that's fine.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I'm 5'4", my ex was 6'2", but I found that to be pretty perfect.
@uwrote - The going home thing was NOT just to walk me home. He asked if he could spend the night at my place "because he was too tired to drive home" but I know that wasn't the real reason. The way he was all over me all night, I know exactly what he really wanted.
@hopelessromantic - Oh, I see. Well then you let him off easy. We guys should know that when we are told no for the walking home part and we have other reasons for getting women home, an answer of 'no' is better than a kick in the sensitive area. (Not that I'm advocating violence, mind you.)
(In other news: Men's sports cup sales sky-rocket for some unknown reason!)
Ugh. I remember dates like that. Where you're getting vibes all night that scream "This is not right!" Having gone through it, my advice is not to worry about being mean by breaking it off. The more you date him, the worse it will be when you finally break things off. And then you throw any chance of being nice about things right out the window. It just gets messy.
Good luck with this one. And any others that happen across your path. Online dating (and I suppose dating in general) can be a harrowing experience:-/
-Katie
@hopelessromantic - I'm 5'5 and I think my ideal is around 6'1. A bit less extreme than your ex and you, but I can see where you're coming from.
"Gah! I need to grow a spine and stop worrying about whether I'm being "nice." Dating isn't about being "nice." " <--YES YOU SHOULD!!! I'm glad you are aware of this fact.
Seriously, he chose to get you a stuffed animal. You didn't ask for it, he didn't pay for it (tickets aren't real money), he didn't win it for you (so it's not like he's a hero or anything)--so in other words, you owe him NOTHING. If you said "thank you" when he gave it to you, you've already paid him back for it. (And you kissed him! He's lucky you did that.) You were polite to him, and you did not deliver him a well-deserved kick in the groin in response to his disrespectful request. You're fine.
If you don't like him, don't waste your time. Because honestly, if you are wasting your time with a guy you know you don't like, then you are wasting his time as well (time he could be spending attempting to go home with other girls, lol). And knowingly wasting his time is definitely *not* nice. Tell the truth and save yourself the prolonged misery of more wasted evenings.
On a similar note, men who attempt to invite themselves over to my place automatically disqualify themselves from earning an invitation. Whatever the possibility of me inviting you over was, it has now dropped to zero because you lacked the class to wait and let me do it when I was ready. That's also a sign that he has a very particular reason for dating you, and if you are not in it for the same reason, you have a problem. Be honest, do not be apologetic.
Oh-and I'm not into short guys either.
I really love ur blog hopelessromantic...
and yes you do not owe him anything...
in my eyes he's a bit of a creep for wanting to quickly invite himself over. But what can I say with online dating . there are alot of creeps on the web.. My ex though was perfect but I screwed it. :( And tall guys are sexy.. whoop.. My ex was 6'4 and I was 5'6/5'7 I loved going on my tippy toes to kiss him.. :)