Part of every relationship is meeting the friends, particularly the "best friend(s)." This is often a test of the relationship, as the best friend's opinion is very important. And of course the best friend is going to have very high standards because that's their best friend you're dating, and you had better not hurt him/her or you're going to have hell to pay.
One of my best friends from home is very overprotective, and it's actually kind of comforting. It's adorable the way she threatens to fly out to NY and strangle guys who've hurt me. Sometimes it's a little much though and I wonder if she doesn't have a secret violent side
haha.
The other thing that makes the best friend test so hard to pass is that, when you fight or if you do something stupid, the best friend is going to hear it all. And I think best friends tend to hear more of the bad than the good because you call them for a shoulder to cry on, not to be like "wow, things are really great between us right now." Especially if the friends are single because then they don't really want to hear how amazing your relationship is. So you automatically have all this negative stuff to overcome because that's all they hear about you.
I have quite a few best friends and I can't think of many of their boyfriends that I've actually liked. And because I have a lot of best friends, that makes it even harder because the guy has a lot of people to impress. Granted, most of them are from home, so most of my exes didn't even get to meet a lot of them. But I hate my twin's* boyfriend (see my
unhealthy relationships post) and I hate the boy my New York best friend is currently "involved" with. And most of my exes either didn't or probably wouldn't have passed the best friend test.
My soulmate passed the best friend test with flying colors with my best
friend here in NY. She met him at his going away party and she told me
"
I was sad that he was leaving because he was so sweet that
I wanted to become friends with him!" Even another good friend of mine
who came said he liked him and he usually doesn't like other Indian
people (this friend is also Indian). *sigh* And now he's gone. But I'll stop obsessing for now, because that's not the point of this entry.
And even just with friends in general - if your SO's friends don't like
you, that's a problem because it will get annoying if your SO wants to
hang out in groups. Plus they will probably be telling your SO to break
up with you on a regular basis. It will put your SO in a very hard
position of having to choose between you and his/her friends.
How important is your best friend's opinion to you? Or just your friends' in general? What are your experiences with "the best friend test"? Is it important to you that your friends get along with your SO?
*disclaimer: I don't actually have a twin but my closest friend and I are like sisters, and we are psychically connected so we joke that we are twins and that our souls were somehow separated and we were born to different families.
Comments (5)
My best friend's opinion is very important to me. Especially when it comes to that person I am dating. Because my best friend is a woman, I get into trouble twice as much. If I did something wrong and because my male genes decided the case for me, my significant other at the time would be mad at me. Then when I explain what is going on to my best friend, she would get mad at me. After getting beaten up, she would explain why I was an idiot. Now there have been times when she has told me this woman or that woman is trouble. (She is usually right.)
My friends' opinions in general carry a lot of weight but it is not the same as I give my best friend's opinion.
It would be nice if my significant other gets along with my best friend but it is not a requirement. As long as both of them respect my friendship or connection with each of them and they do not cause each other harm, then I am happy.
It's funny you should mention this. My boyfriend and I have been in an extremely long term relationship and there were two problems. 1. His mom doesn't like me and 2. some of his friends (specifically one crowd) don't like me. (And some of my friends do not like the way he treats me either.) When we had broken up at one point, all of them were overjoyed and had lots to say. But none of what they said mattered anyways because eventually we got back together. We both made our own decisions because we are our own person.
As for the difficult to hang out part, we've managed that aspect pretty well. Our friends push aside their dislike, because they know that we are happy and honestly that's all that matters.
Well, considering my best friend IS my SO...
But my friend's opinions are important to me, because they lend insight into THEIR personalities. The girl who "doesn't like him" because she's single and lonely? The girl who loves ANY guy I have her meet regardless? The girl who doesn't seem to care? They have all displayed that they're not very good friends.
Fortunately, I'm always really good at judging personality of people I'm going to be dating. So, i almost always know better than my friends, but it does sometimes help to just hear someone reaffirm what I already believe.
But my dad hates my boyfriend, and his mother hates me. We ignore them and just live our own lives.
I'm on the other side of this. I'm always the best friend (only 1 bf ever to boot), Soo I'm the annoying caring best friend.
It gets hard, being the best friend as a girl to a guy. I'm not really sure if he always considers me in this category, but I can say that if his SO at the time isn't my friend, I'm usually a huge problem. His current one, well, as far as he puts it, is scared of me. I'm not a scary person (I don't do violence) so I'm not sure how this comes out. But it makes anything with her extremely awkward and tense.
Add to that the stress of a long-distance friendship. I'm going off to college and he's stuck at HS for another yr or so, and this just makes him want his SO more, rather than keep in touch w/ me.
IS a Best Friend usually a double-sided deal, or is it natural for it to seem one-sided?
They're opinions are important to me, on both sides.
Course my SO's friends seem to really like me, and despite all the drama we've been through, my friends warm up to him as well.
then again my parents opinion matters to me too. only because i like to think i have rational realistic parents i can talk to, so they won't spaz. and they like my SO.
makes me happy.