For those of you very supportive Datingish/Xanga readers who have been following my soulmate drama, I have a question for you:
What do I do now?
I have already decided that my next step is to email him in about a week. It's my only way to contact him while he's abroad, at least right now before he gets all settled in India and whatnot, and I want to keep in touch with him. But what do I say?
Having already confessed my love to him a text that he may or may not have received and may or may not have taken as I meant it, I kind of want to send him an email and just spill all my feelings on the interweb. Just get them off my chest and out in the open and let him do as he will with them.
My other option is to simply email him a friendly, casual "hi, how are you?" and act like nothing happened. And try to keep in touch as friends until (if) he comes back.
At the moment, I am inclined to go with the first option. Yes, I know it's crazy. And apparently I've gone insane. I am completely against getting married at my age but I actually considered proposing to him and marrying him so that he could stay. In my mind I had this picture of us starting our lives together and getting to know each other and falling in love and living happily ever after. What a story that would be, right? Luckily I haven't lost it quite enough to actually propose to him. That would be bad. I am pretty sure that would scare him off forever. But he really is pretty much the exact picture of the guy I have always said I wanted to marry. That's the sad thing - if I thought it would work, I would totally throw everything I've said about marrying young and marrying people you haven't known for that long out the window and marry him. I've seriously lost my mind.
And here's the thing - if I just send him friendly "hi how are you?" emails for the next year, what if he moves on? But if I plant the seed of romance and explain to him the depths of my feelings, maybe (if he feels the same way) he won't move on. It will be like we're just taking a year or so off, just working on our careers and stuff. A friend of mine made the point that it would basically like a long distance relationship (which I keep swearing I will never do again) and that it would put a lot of pressure on that time. But extreme pressure is what produces diamonds right (well, among other things)? But he makes a really good point. My last long distance relationship (separated by four hours) failed miserably and there was a lot of tension between us at the end. Even if this wasn't a relationship, there would be strong feelings and expectations involved and that could cause pressure. I am just terrified that things will fizzle out.
I am the kind of person that sees what I want and goes for it, sometimes a little too wholeheartedly. I want him. I don't want to risk losing him. Soulmate, destiny and "meant to be" aside (because a lot of people don't believe in that stuff, myself included on my more cynical days), he is pretty much exactly what I've been looking for for a long time now. What if I never meet anyone else like him that satisfies all of my criteria again? How can I risk letting him go? Nice guys are few and far between. Nice guys that are attractive and interesting... I was starting to think they didn't exist.
But another one of my friends made another good point - I have no idea how long until he comes back and it's possible (though I don't think probable) that he may never come back. That he may get wrapped up in his life in India and never make it back to the U.S., or New York. So for my own good, I have to assume the worst and move on. Part of me thinks that if he feels the same way, he'll try harder to get back here and maybe I (being the ridiculously stubborn and determined person that I am) can figure out a way to make it happen without actually proposing.
The main thing that's stopping me from just pouring my heart out in an email to him is this: I would rather be friends with him for the rest of my life than have him disappear from my life for good. And I'm afraid that if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same way or is freaked out, we won't be able to be friends. And I can't lose him as a friend too.
Anyway, I'll stop babbling now. I was going to end with the song "Where do We Go From Here?" from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Musical episode to lighten things up a little, but alas it appears I don't have it on this computer. Oh well, go listen to it if you can. It's a good song.
Comments (5)
Possibly my favorite episode of Season 6, "Once more, with feeling".
I would advise somewhere in between brain dump and 'hey, how are you doing?' email. This is based off my own personal feelings. If you dump in an email (regardless of the text), I will freak out. If you put in a friendly 'how are you doing?' email, I will be something like 'hey, that is cool'.
This is assuming you want to contact him and not following your other friend's advice of drop all contact.
Something to the effect of "Hey. I hope you're well. I would like to talk with you about some things on my mind." and see where it goes from there. If he is curious, he'll ask / talk about your text.
How does that sound?
All right, getting chills. "Where Do We Go From Here?" was playing as I was reading your entry...
I'm gonna go shiver from the sheer eeriness of this particular coincidence...especially since I haven't listened to that soundtrack for over a year...
-Katie
p.s. Whatever you decide, good luck.
At this point, no one can decide for you what it is you want to or need to do. Just think it through, make an intelligent decision.
@itiscomplicated - That isn't what I want to hear! Lol. Besides, I know what I need to do for me to feel better, but I want to know what people think I should do that will have the best outcome in the future.
@akatiegirl - Freaky!
@uwrote - None of my friends suggested I cut off contact with him, just that I get over him, haha. I am not exactly sure how to find a happy medium though.
Some of my own friends are caught in the exact same situation. When I speak to my friends, one half of me believes they're being a baby for not entering a relationship simply because it's long distance, but the other half also truly understands that they don't want to suffer or drag it on.
Ultimately, however, it all comes to just how much he cares about you. If I were in his shoes and I were in love with a great person, I would commit and maintain my dedication to the relationship, whether or not we were in different countries. And ironically, I myself broke up with my boyfriend several months ago because we didn't do such a good job of it.