I went out on another OkCupid date tonight. We went and saw Regina Spektor (and Albert Hammond, Jr.) at McCarren Park Pool and then grabbed dinner afterward. He was nice, but I'm not interested (for
obvious reasons). Anyway, so he paid for both the concert and dinner. I offered to pay for my half of both, but he refused.
Growing up, my mom always told me to pay for my own stuff because I was an independent woman and that way I wouldn't feel like I "owed" boys anything. So for a long time, that's what I did. I wouldn't let guys pay for me, no matter how insistent they were.
But then I hit college and I was broke. I'm still pretty broke, haha. But so I slowly started caving in and letting them pay when they wanted to (though I always offered). And at first, I did feel like I then owed them something, so I always did feel a little uncomfortable about it. I still feel a little twinge of guilt every now and then, but I've come to realize that just because they buy me dinner does not mean that they can or should expect anything from me in return. And if they do, they are not worth my time. Because if they're really "gentlemen" and paying for dinner out of the kindness of their heart, they won't expect anything in return. If they're only paying for dinner because they want to sleep with me, then they are not gentlemen and I want nothing to do with them.
And don't think I'm just saying that as an excuse to let guys buy things for me. I've paid for things to. When my ex lost his job, I was
always the one paying for dinner, and even when he had a job I paid for meals or drinks fairly often. And I've paid for friends sometimes. It all evens out in the end, because other people pay for me sometimes. I was told by an Argentinian that I waited tables with in college that this whole obsession with "separate checks" and stuff is very American, but that's kind of a different topic for a different blog.
And let's not forget how many more expenses in terms of clothes/hair/makeup girls usually incur to go out on a date. So I'd say it evens out on that front too.
The great thing about feminism is not that women can now pay for their own dinner - it's that we can let men pay for our dinner and not feel like we have to sleep with them. That's the true meaning of feminism - not feeling like you
owe men anything.
Comments (5)
"And let's not forget how many more expenses in terms of clothes/hair/makeup girls usually incur to go out on a date."
Wha?
I go on dates in sweatpants and mascara streaks.
I never feel guilty about letting the men pay hehe. I figure they must feel good about paying too. If they don't they're not the type of guys I'm looking for anyway.
i was at the same concert !