Last night I broke a couple of my dating age difference rules - I went out with a 35 year old. I'm 22. In general, I try to stick with "don't date someone more than half your age older than you" and/or "don't date anyone who is theoretically old enough to be your father" (and 13 years is about the time guys can start having kids). We met at a bar (which is another reason a lot of people would probably be wary of this situation but I'm trying to be more open-minded about meeting people) and I didn't know he was 35. I could tell he was older, but I was thinking 30ish, which isn't so bad. I just found out the other day that he was 35 and while my first instinct was to call it off, I decided to give it a shot. At least he was honest about it - though I'm not sure he realized I was 22 when he told me so straightforwardly that he was 35. But he knew I was in my early to mid twenties. Plus we had talked on the phone a couple times since we'd met and he seemed intelligent and interesting (much moreso than any of the guys I was meeting on OkCupid.... I deleted my profile on there by the way). We always had an easy time making conversation.
So we went to see Man On Wire, which I was very delighted that he suggested because I'd been wanting to see it for a while. Beforehand we met up for drinks and after we went out for dinner (I suppose that's a little backward from the way most people would do it - dinner, movie, drinks). Honestly, I had a lot of fun. He's nice, intelligent and funny. We have some common interests. I didn't have to explain everything I said to him. He's much more mature than most of the guys anywhere near my age that I encounter. I like to think I'm relatively mature most of the time, so it was nice to meet a guy who was too and who actually had his life together. Working in film, I don't meet many people who have their lives together. Haha. The funny part was, even though he was the older one, we had a conversation where I was saying things that older people would typically say (bemoaning modern technology, being nostalgic for things of my childhood, complaining about "kids these days") and he kept saying "isn't that supposed to be my line?" That was actually the only negative - while he didn't seem
uncomfortable with the age difference per se, he kept pointing it out in various ways in conversation, whereas I was trying not to dwell on that and to get to know him as a person rather than as a 35 year old. But him constantly pointing out our age difference made that difficult.
He also gets bonus points because he drove me home (the theater was right by his place but I live kind of far from it and there's no easy way to get home, especially late at night). And he didn't try to make a move on me. He touched my back once I think as we were walking through a doorway and my leg once and that was about it. He wasn't constantly touching me or trying to kiss me like certain other guys I've gone out with. All in all, it was a very nice evening and if he wants to, I would definitely go out again.
Comments (8)
"But him constantly pointing out our age difference made that difficult."
He was probably just a little nervous and wanted something to talk about. If it continues significantly, I'd be concerned, but just for the first date? No big deal, I think.
I think you should see him again. He sounds nice. And age, truly, is only a number. That becomes more and more TRUE the older you get.
I think it might have been a test to see if his age and the age difference really mattered to you at all. And it seems like he's got a more gentlemanly and mature demeanor regarding dating and courtship. Sounds like fun. =)
Something about older men is a bit appealing and they are easier to talk to unlike people my own age, 23. I'm happy you had a good time and he was so respectful. Hopefully this could go further and if not then it could become a great friendship! Keep updating.
One fo the reasons why women have to go for older men is because men mature slower, biologically and....in other ways. So, 13 years may seem like a gap, but it's not too bad. Although, you might want to casually mention your age if you are thinking of becoming more serious with him.
@cece121234 - He knows my age. I'm just not sure he did when he so willingly told me that he was 35. And yeah, guys definitely mature more slowly. I've dated guys as old as 28 before and was still more mature than they were. In fact, a friend of mine who's 34 asked me out and I said no largely because I was probably more mature than he was. But this guy seems pretty mature, which is nice.
hmmm i don't think a guy would do those kinds of things if he just wanted to be friends and personally i think it's absolutely refreshing that a guy isn't making a dash to your pants first thing!