Obviously, I blog about my relationships. That's why I'm here on datingish. And most of you who are here on datingish probably blog about your relationships too. That's even why I have basically left my old Xanga account behind - because most of what I blogged about there was relationships, so why not do it on datingish instead where the readers actually want to read that kind of stuff?
But every now and then, I find myself questioning the ethics (and risks) of my blogging. Is it ok for me to be blogging about these guys I'm dating without their permission? I justify it by not using their real names and trying to keep details out that might implicate them even without their names. And I haven't told anybody I know about this blog, so hopefully none of the guys will ever find out. But deep down inside I have this fear that one of the guys I've written about is going to stumble upon this blog and know I'm writing about him and be pissed. Particularly the guy I refer to as "my soulmate." Not that he would be pissed, but he might be a little freaked out. For the most part, I haven't really cared up until now because most of the guys I've gone on dates with recently it's been very casual and I really don't care what they think because I haven't been that interested in them. I also don't really care what my exes think who I've been writing about. I try to use my past experiences to learn from and maybe help others who might be going through something similar, and I don't feel the need to justify that to them. And it's not like I ever go into attack mode really, so they shouldn't get offended. So writing about past relationships, in my opinion, is fine.
But now I'm starting to see someone a little more seriously (I wouldn't even say we're exclusive yet, but we've been hanging out a lot and there's the sense that we're going to be hanging out more and more). And I'm not sure I feel right talking about him here because what if he finds it and that screws everything up? It would be weird for me finding out that someone was blogging about me. So I can only assume it would be weird for anyone else. I read a xanga entry the other day about that happening to someone and they broke up because of it. Granted, it sounds like there were other issues. But still. I don't want that to happen to me.
I realize the other option is to just be straightforward with the guys I date and tell them about this blog. But I can't do that because then I can't write candidly. I like that no one I know knows I write this blog (whoa, there's a tongue twister for you). It means I can speak my mind without worrying about what my friends/dates who read this are going to think or if they're going to be offended.
What do you think? Is it ethical to blog about your relationships? Do you ever feel you're putting your relationship at risk by doing so?
Comments (8)
love this post. I've often thought about this as well. I've had problems because of blogging but that happened a long time ago
You're probably talking about me. Yes, there were other issues. Unfortunately, he knew about the blog long before we actually started dating. But then we started dating, and he said he felt bad reading it, so he stopped. But I had stopped writing about him anyway, just because it felt weird. And then, the minute I do write about him, it all ends. He keeps saying it wasn't the blog, but I don't really believe him. There were other problems, but the blog was really the final straw.
I think we SHOULD be able to write about our relationships. We just need to protect those posts so that not everyone can read them. Sometimes getting a little advice from complete strangers is good, you just have to make sure the people you know won't be able to find it.
I think blogging about your relationships is perfectly acceptable - just like, as mentioned above, some people don't know about it. I think of it like talking to your friends about your relationships, which is a perfectly normal occurrence, right? This is like talking in real-life, only you're getting non-biased advice from people that just want to lend their ear and maybe a kind word or two. Granted, you always have to take into account the fact that these people may not know you personally, of every detail of the situation that influences the outcome...
I've never blogged about the person while I was in the relationship - okay, once before, and many times after, but not during and besides that... he doesn't even know Xanga/Datingish exist. So I felt pretty safe. And a lot of times I just need to vent, and a blog is the best place for that. If it may be detrimental for a relationship, protect the post or put your page on a sign-in lock (if he doesn't have a blog).
i agree with cyanidebutterfly...
i think blogging about your relationship is the same as talking to your best friends about it. sometimes you just want to share or vent. sometimes you want input. as long as you arent talking about things that are immensely private that you shouldnt really share with anyone but your SO, i think its fine.
@cyanidebutterfly - @mi_piaci - Yes, but I've met guys that get mad when girls even share things with their friends. They don't seem to understand the whole needing to vent or needing advice concept. Honestly, I don't think anything's off limits to share with friends if you're seeking advice because how can they give you advice if they don't know the whole story? But a lot of guys would disagree with me on that.
@hopelessromantic - As my mother likes to tell me, "boys will be boys." Yeah, I think they'll always be guys that get huffy when a girl shares personal things with her friends - and to those guys I'd like to say, who's in the bathroom comparing size? But I digress. I've been very lucky to have guys in my life (in any way/shape/form) that understand that girls have girl-time and that's just what we do. When I run into the occasional guy that disagrees, I try to find out how they vent relationship stress or deal with issues, and relate to that. They go to the gym and bench press til they're lying in a pool of sweat when they are fighting with their girlfriend? Awesome. We don't like being sweaty, so ranting at the first available person - our bffs- works for us. I think the advice bit goes towards the whole men-don't-ask-for-directions bit, and I like to point out that they get lost alot that way; we don't like to get so lost, so we seek our human compasses to point out road signs we may have missed.
Wow, that was a really long reply. I apologize. ^.^;; I know I'm preaching to the choir here... because the guys that need to be reading this won't be. Haha.
@Pterota@xanga - I totally agree! That's why I've created my datingish account. While I do have a xanga account, I've realized I have wayyy too many stories I'd like to share & hope others can learn from my experiences yet I don't want to run the risk of having someone I know read it on my xanga. I haven't told my boyfriend about this datingish account & I'm not sure if I'm going to.. He will be mad though.. but really, not like I'm revealing stuff about him or about our most intimate secrets. It's for me to better see what I've been through & what I've learned from each experience. :) I also hear you on the protected posting.. I feel like that's what I'm going to do 'cause even though I've broken up with my ex-boyfriend from HS & I don't care what he thinks, I don't want him to stumble across my rants about his psycho-ness & give him another reason to yell at me. Once was traumatizing enough.. >.< [As you all will soon see if you subscribe! :D]
i thought i commented here (maybe it didn't go through?). anyway, i just joined here for that same reason... blogging about relationship stuff does seem much more appropriate here on datingish. and if people don't want to read it... they won't. and don't worry, i blog about guys & i DO name their names. lol. AND I DON'T CARE---ESPECIALLY AFTER SOME OF THE CRAP THEY'VE DONE TO ME! ha guys... TAKE THAT!!! lol.