I hate it when two people get together and then suddenly you don't see either of them anymore. This seemed to happen a lot in college in particular - couples would get together, they'd basically move in together right away (I think there was a certain fascination with being able to sleep in the same bed and not having to report to parents) and essentially forget about their friends. In fact, my roommate sophomore year got a boyfriend and at first they moved into his place and I didn't see either of them for probably close to two months except for occasionally if she came home to get more clothes or some movies or something. But then they moved into her place (which was also my place) and even though I was physically sharing a room with them, they hardly ever spoke to me when they were both there. They just sat on her bed and did homework in silence, or talked in inside jokes that I couldn't participate in. They had completely forgotten that anyone outside of them existed it seemed like.
A couple of months ago, I introduced two friends of mine (not with the intent of getting them together, but they hit it off quite well and now they are together). While I'm happy for them, I have hardly seen either of them since. It's especially bad when you are the reason they're together and they forget you exist. I mean, come on! Don't I get some bonus points for that? Don't I get to be the one friend you
don't forget about because without me you wouldn't have even met?
While I've certainly been guilty of making my boyfriend more of a priority than my friends at times in the past, I try really hard not to do it now because I know how obnoxious it is to be on the other end. Plus it seems like if the couple breaks up, they come crawling back, expecting you to pick up the pieces even though they weren't there for you at all when they had their significant other. Usually I just do it anyway because friendship is important to me and in the end I just want them to be happy. But I don't want to be one of those people who abandons my friends and then expects them to clean up my mess when things fall apart.
Do you think it's ok for people to ditch their friends if they're in a relationship?
Comments (4)
No, it's definitely not okay...but it still happens.
It's not okay but it often happens 'cause we're humans & self-absorbed by nature. I know I've been guilty of that but fortunately, I have family & friends who just pick up the pieces without question & for that I'm grateful & I never fail to mention it.
It's not OK, and my girlfriend and I are at pains to try and make sure that we include our circle of friends as much as possible.
For example, every week on a Thursday we invite them to come swimming with us so we can just "hang out". Sure, there are times when we just want to be on our own, as happens with every couple.
But ditching friends just because you have an SO? That's bad form, especially if they expect you to still be there to pick up the pieces. If that happened to me, I would get the feeling of being incredibly used and abused.
I'm going to go in the minority here: it is okay. But only under certain conditions.
For instance, George and I have been together for nearly 3 years, longer than any live/active friendship I still have today.
I don't blow off my friends when I'm around them, and I don't pretend they don't exist when George and I are near them. In fact, when George and I are around my friends, I often talk to them much more than I talk to him.
But, if it's just a fad, a silly little, "I have a boyfriend, teehee!" that is going to end in heartbreak a month later, then no, the behavior is inexcusable.
And ALWAYS, if a friend comes to me in need, I will be there to help him or her, no matter what I'm doing. I know that I may seem unavailable to many, but I can't help who I would rather spend time with. And George IS my best friend - he has BEEN my best friend for years. Even before we dated we were close friends.