Monday, 27 October 2008

• Ladies, Let's Talk - A Rebuttle

  This entry is in response to this entry. I agree that women don't seem to realize how valuable we are, but I don't think this is 100% our fault. We are still often told by society that we aren't as valuable as men. We still make less money and are not placed in managerial positions as often as men. We are still objectified by the media. How are we supposed to feel like we are valuable as more than a sex object when no one is telling us otherwise?
  
  Now I'm going to break down a few pieces that I also had problems with:
  
  "...what we really desire is commitment." Despite the stereotypes, not every woman is looking to put a ring on her finger. I don't want to get married before I'm at least 27 or 28 (I'm 22 now), if not later. Life is long now adays and I have the rest of my life to spend with my future husband. I want to take these years for myself, to travel and focus on my career. Focus on me. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not selfish. If I focus on me now, I can focus on others more fully later with no regrets, without feeling like I'm missing out, without feeling like I'm giving something up. I will probably be a much better wife and mother in the future, having had more time to figure out who I am on my own, than I would be now, as I am still trying to figure that out.
  
  "I am not saying they're bad, but what you're giving to them are pieces of you that belong to your husband one day," No. No no no no no. Belong? Really? Women are not property. We are not objects. This is part of the reason we seem to think we are not good enough or valuable enough. Valuable is even the wrong word because it suggests that we are an object that value can be assigned to. We are people. No pieces of me belong to anyone but me, thank you. Obviously we share ourselves - our time, our thoughts, our feelings, and even physical things, as well - with other people, but thinking of it as "pieces" is kind of morbid and it objectifies us. I don't think I've heard anyone say a husband "belongs" to a wife, and if a woman says that, she is considered possessive. Men and women need to stop being possessive. Spouses are not a thing to possess.
  
  "Do you carry yourself like a lady in dress and in talk?" I don't even know what this means. Does this mean we're supposed to be wearing skirts and be gentle and polite? This is exactly the reason women don't respect themselves is because they feel they should be seen and not heard. We need to get rid of these concepts of "lady-like" and "manly." They're just societal stereotypes and they end up confining us. They are the reason that men and women still aren't equal. Yes, we're different and will always be different. But don't tell me that just because I don't want to get married right away or wear jeans that I'm not a "lady." ... "Some men don't respect us today because we don't respect ourselves. We have made it too easy for them to holler at us and get us in the bed." I'm sorry, but even when I'm wearing a freaking down coat and thick pants, I've had men holler at me. Men are going to holler at us no matter what we wear and, while I generally prefer to dress modestly myself, women should have a right to wear whatever we want without men assuming it's ok to objectify us via hollering or trying to get us in bed. That's like blaming a woman who is raped and saying she was asking for it because she was wearing revealing clothing. It is never a woman's fault if a man objectifies her. Men aren't objectified that way - we don't call them sluts for wearing revealing clothing or cat call at them (at least not nearly as often).
  
  "I am tired of seeing my ladies' lives revolve around a man that isn't for them." Whether or not the man is for them, our lives should not revolve around one other person. That's not healthy. We get so wrapped up in this idea of "the one" and "our other half" but we need to be complete by ourselves first before we can really have a healthy relationship. Our lives shouldn't revolve around one person. Our lives should be well-rounded with a variety of interests and pursuits.
  
  "They're looking for that woman that completes them as men." Going with the previous point, people (men included) shouldn't look for someone to complete us. We need to be whole on our own before we can really be with someone else. This whole notion of being incomplete without a romantic partner is part of the reason we go chasing after men that don't treat us right - because we are afraid to be alone, since we're told that makes us "incomplete." We would rather be with someone who doesn't treat us right than only be part of a person.
  
  EDIT: In conclusion (looking back, I feel I should write a conclusion), while a lot of good points were made in imagoodegg31's entry, I have to say that the problem is not just with women not valuing themselves but with the whole way society (even our language) is structured to de-value us.
  

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