There are three little words that strike terror into the hearts of those not ready to say or hear them and joy into the hearts of those who are. You know what words I'm talking about.
I. Love. You.
I used to be a total commitment-phobe and for some reason, in high school at least, I always ended up with guys who were way too serious for me. They would say "I love you" after just two weeks of dating or something ridiculous and I was never ready to say it back. I was very level-headed and didn't think you could know after just two weeks. I've done everything from reply "thank you" to pretending I just didn't hear it. It usually doesn't work out too well though if you don't say it back. But I've never been one to say "I love you" when I'm not ready to or don't mean it. I'm not going to say it back just because they said it to me. If they don't understand that I'm not ready, that's their problem and the relationship probably wouldn't work out anyway.
That's why saying it first takes so much courage. You don't know if you'll hear it back and it's pretty much one of the most intimate things you can say to someone. And even if they do say it back, there's always the chance they're just saying it back to say it back and not because they actually mean it or are ready to say it. I never said it first until my last relationship. And even then I couldn't actually bring myself to say it to his face and risk him not saying it back, so I wrote him a letter. Yeah, I know. I'm a coward. But I'd never had to say it first. And honestly, after that, I'm not sure I ever will because that didn't turn out so well.
Then there was
the mortifying time I accidentally confessed my love to Soulmate via text due to a little mix up. I still have no idea if he ever received that text or not though. And things are good between us (or as good as they can be from half way across the world). But I don't think I've ever felt more elated and then more crushed and humiliated in a five minute time period as I did then. So I know what kind of emotions those three little words evoke.
Do you find it scary to say "I love you?" Got any good stories about the first time you or an SO said it?
Comments (4)
I hear you - I don't like being rushed into saying something I might not actually mean.
The first time (and actually the only time) I said it was in high school and it was pretty much forced, because the guy said it and he was taking it personally that I didn't say it back. So I said it, just to keep him from feeling bad, because I don't like to see other people upset. Later on, I realized that what I had done was ridiculous and that if he had actually loved me, he would have waited for me to say it, not put all this unneeded pressure on saying it. I also realized that I think he was more in love with the idea of saying "I love you" to someone, than to saying it to me, which made me only regret my decision more.
Someone told me he loved me lately and I felt bad, but I had to explain to him that while I really do like him, I'm not positive that I love him and I refuse to say so until I'm absolutely sure. That's the problem with words, you know? Once you say something, it's out there, it's been heard, and there's no taking it back. And I have never seen the point of saying something you don't mean; it only leads to trouble in my experience. Luckily, he's still sticking around and doesn't seem too bothered by this. Because, really, the fact that I'm taking my time to really figure things out means that I actually think he's worth the effort, and he seems to understand that.
It kinda silly to think that such three little words can cause so much trouble. But then again, as far as I'm concerned, words matter.
One of the scariest things I've ever done is to tell my fiance I loved him. Of course, we weren't anywhere near engaged then...and he was afraid to say it back at that point. I had to wait another four months for it. But it also ended up with the biggest fight we've ever had. It was...not a good experience.
But, hey, at least it worked out, right?
-Katie
yeah i totally agree that its only best to say it if its genuine. sometimes guys just say it to get what they want, sometimes.
I do have a good story. my ex, had been saying the 3 words for about...2 months, with out me saying it back. we were doing good. on one phone conversation when I was about to hang up [Note: when i hang up i usually say "later"] instead of saying "later" I said "love you" lol! I was mortified. I did not intend to say it at all and I was just speechless. Being the sweet heart he is he just laughed lightly and said "its ok baby, I know." And I laughed and hung up quickly.