I've come to realize that I give guys too much power over me. I let them get to me too much. For example, the other night the guy I'm seeing had to work late so he called to cancel our plans and he was, well, kind of a jerk about it. I had friends with me though and it really shouldn't have effected me because I still could've had a lot of fun, but I let it ruin my night.
I think people give relationships/lust/love/crushes too much power in general. You know, when you really like someone and (s)he doesn't text back, it's the end of the freaking world. How disappointed I was when my guy canceled our plans the other night was not one of my proudest moments and it reminded me of a story that was probably one of my worst moments.
It was 4th of July a couple years ago and I was at a rooftop party in Williamsburg. I was hitting it off with this guy. He was being all flirty and putting his arm around me and stuff. We had been talking for a while. Suddenly a friend of a friend comes up and starts talking to me and he immediately removes his arm and starts talking to her and for the rest of the night it was like I didn't exist. She was one of those girls, you know? The kind that aren't even really that pretty or anything but there's just something about them that makes guys fall all over themselves. I guess the got lucky and got great pheromones. This obviously made me feel really bad about myself that he suddenly moved on to a different girl so quickly right in front of me, and so when I should've moved on and just spent time with my friends or found another cute boy to flirt with, I spent the rest of my night desperately throwing myself at him trying to win him back to no avail. It was definitely a low point in my life and I like to think that I've learned from it and that I no longer need to be wanted by men to validate my self-esteem. But sometimes I still find that I allow myself to be way too affected by guys' actions. I take it so personally. When my guy called to cancel, I was so hurt because I felt like if he really wanted to see me, he would come by anyway, even though he was tired from working late.
I guess this is partially just who I am and that's something that's hard to change. I do the same thing with friends too - get way too hurt when they cancel plans or things like that. I guess I just take things too personally. I have to stop letting other peoples' actions have so much power over me because the only person's actions that I can control are my own.
This guy I know said something simple but great once that is fitting for this entry: "Anger is something you exhibit when you want to control things that are out of your control. And I've come to the realization that it is much easier to try to work on things that you have in your control." So from now on I'm going to try to take back the power and worry only about my own actions that I can control. Of course, it's still hard not to be sad when someone you like is sending signals that they don't like you quite as much by not reciprocating texts or things like that. But I'm going to try not to let it get the best of me, because really, it's their loss.
Comments (1)
#1- hopelessromantic, you are a GODDESS. you need to start acting like it. if a guy loses interest in you, pah I say, there are plenty of men waiting to take his place.
live your life with your head held high, confident of your power and worth. frankly, if people cancel plans with you without a failproof excuse, they're not worth your time anyway. You can find better people than that. if you insist on putting up with it (I have a girlfriend who cancels on me about half the time), just don't expect anything and make contingency plans.
and if all else fails, fake it til you make it if you think of yourself as a goddess, you will be one, and you will put that spell on others around you that your friend of a friend seemed to cast.