So it's still really bothering me today what happened yesterday. And I think it's mostly because of what I briefly mentioned in my last entry about not being able to take the lead. I feel like I can't win. If I actively pursue a guy, he loses interest (people only want what they can't have) or gets scared away because he thinks I'm more serious than he is. And this time I left it to him to pursue me - not just because guys want what they can't have but also because of the age difference between us, I felt he should take the lead because I didn't know if he was even comfortable with dating someone so much younger than him.
I am one of those girls who, when I like someone, I think about them a lot and I do little things like text them a lot. My ex and I used to text each other close to 10 times a day with cute little things, or about nothing in particular, just because we were thinking of each other (when I am in a relationship my text messaging usage tends to skyrocket...). But with this guy, I would text him pretty frequently at first - though nowhere near 10 times a day or anything of that caliber - but then he didn't text me very often, so I stopped because I didn't want to become overbearing and scare him away. So then he says that "even our text message exchanges are kind of cold" and I feel like I just can't win.
La_faerie_joyeuse commented on my last post and said
"guys love it when you take the lead in relationships. They feel a ton of pressure all the time, because they have no idea what you are thinking, and yet they are expected to read your mind and find out exactly when you would like them to advance, and exactly how far. Sometimes, it can be a little intimidating, but if you go about it the right way (either shyly or casually), he shouldn't have a problem." And I can see her point and understand that it's hard to know what moves to make. And I do think that guys might like the lead in relationships, but the key word there is relationships. If you're in the early dating/getting-to-know-you stages, I have yet to have success with a guy that I've taken the lead with. And maybe I'm just going for the wrong guys - maybe I need to date guys who want me to be dominant (or who like relationships, which doesn't seem to be any guy in New York City). But I don't want to be dominant. I want to be equal. Also like la_faerie_joyeuse said, I like to argue but I want someone who is going to argue back.
I just feel like my situation is a double standard - I'm not allowed to take the lead (and even when I tried briefly it didn't seem to get me anywhere), but then when I let him take the lead, I'm "cold." What is that?
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