So I've gone on a few dates with this guy (we'll call him... the foreigner), and I like him. But he's getting way too intense way too fast. He wants to see me every freaking day and he keeps talking about how much he cares about me and likes me and how he thinks I'm "a keeper" and how he doesn't want to go a week without seeing me (I'm going out of town for a bit soon). I tried to tell him this today. That I was getting freaked out. But then he freaked out because he was all "that's just the way I am. I can't change who I am. I could be a jerk and withhold my feelings but that's not the person I am or want to be. And if you're getting freaked out then I'm going to have to start thinking about everything I say or do..." sheesh. He can be very sweet, and on the one hand it's a nice change from the typical stoic New York guy who acts like he could care less about whether you even existed. But on the other hand, I'm not really at a place in my life to get serious and even though he's not asking me to make any commitment (I was very clear with him that we're not exclusive), I still can't help but feel a little smothered by his actions (I don't want to see him all the time. I have a lot of other people I want to spend time with. And while I like cuddling and touching, we don't need to be touching at all times!), and also feel bad because I clearly don't like him as much as he likes me, so I'm starting to feel as if I'm leading him on, even though I've tried to be very upfront with him about where I am in my life now.
I feel like I should probably cut it off now, before it gets to be a really big problem. But I do like him, just not as much as he likes me... And I also feel like if I do cut it off now, right after we had this insanely intense conversation, it will end badly. And we're friends. And we have a lot of the same friends. I don't want to jeopardize my entire social circle. When he first asked me out, he assured me that wouldn't happen and that we would stay friends, even if it didn't work out between us. But with how defensive he was getting tonight, I'm not so sure.
Advice? What do you do when someone is smothering you? How do you tell them (gently) to back off? Or do you just flee in terror?
Comments (1)
Don't flee or make excuses.
Just tell him. Be firm and make sure you're conveying your point across. If he's not listening to you, then break it off completely.
As long as you're being 100% clear with him, you then simply have to let the chips fall where they may. C'est la vie, right? :)