It's been a while since I've written... Guess I've been busy! That and I just haven't been sure what to write because my love life is overly complicated right now. But so the reason I am writing today is because it's not about me, so it's easier to know what to write.
I have this friend. All in all he's a good guy. He took me to the hospital once and stayed there with and then made sure I got home safe and sound afterward. We've been through a lot together. But he can be the most negative, self-pitying, whiny sonofabitch I think I've ever met. He's a relationship kind of guy who has been single for about a year and a half now, after a very serious relationship that went very seriously wrong (she cheated and did all sorts of other not so nice things). And whenever he's single, he becomes somewhat intolerable because all he does is bitch about how women suck and how poor him all women are liars who say they like nice guys but don't actually like nice guys and it's bullshit and why doesn't he have a girlfriend when he hasn't done anything wrong, yadda yadda yadda.
Honestly, there are times I want to slap him around a little and tell him to snap out of it. First off, you are doing things wrong. I know I write about this alot, but I'm just so sick of hearing guys complain that girls don't like nice guys because it's absolutely not true. Girls like nice guys. What we don't like is insecure guys who feel sorry for themselves and bash women. If you think that all women are lying, coniving bitches, then of course you're not going to get one. Why would you even want one? But apparently you still do since you're whining about it. Secondly, confidence is sexy. And no, that's not bullshit. I don't want to date a guy who is constantly making me validate his self-esteem or is really clingy because he's afraid that if he let's you out of his sight, you'll find someone better. I want to date a guy who is independent, positive, not down on himself, etc. I can't deal with insecure guys, and for some reason a lot of nice guys are insecure (it might have to do with the fact that assholes are assholes partially because they are overly confident). And I realize this sounds cheesy, but if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you? You need to be ok with who you are and not care what other people think of you. As endearing as it can be to date someone who's constantly looking for your approval, it gets old after about 5 minutes. Although, paradoxically, nice guys have seem to have high self-esteem in some regards by the simple virtue that they refer to themselves as "nice guys" and "good people." So I'm not really sure why they're so insecure if they think so highly of themselves.
Third, self-pity in particular is extremely unattractive. My friend seems to think he's the only one who's had his heart broken and that he's the only one with baggage. I want to shake him and yell "everyone has baggage! GET OVER IT! IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU SPECIAL!" Everyone has gone through heart break and heartbreak is all relative so while your situation may sound worse on paper, that doesn't mean it was actually more difficult for you. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. You will meet someone special eventually. You will not be alone forever. But it's going to be a lot longer if you keep ranting about how much you hate women and hate your life.
Also, talking to women helps. My friend bitches that he hasn't met anyone in the last year and a half but he doesn't really make an effort to meet new women and he's not interested in dating any of the girls he's already friends with. So many nice guys don't take the steps they need to actually pursue women. They seem to think that just because they are nice, women should automatically fall madly in love with them, even when the woman has received no signal that the guy is even remotely interested. Guess what guys, we need signals. We need you to show interest. Otherwise we are not going to waste our time and we are going to move on to someone who is showing interest in us.
Comments (4)
I know a guy just like this! He only talks to me when he's single, and then it's to bitch and moan about how I don't like him because he's such a nice guy. (He's liked me since high school). He's so emotional too! One day he likes me, and the next he's complaining that I don't like him to put his arm around me or something equally stupid. I manage to stay away, but the minute he breaks up with a girl, he starts calling again. Bugs the crap out of me.
What you said about nice guys and confidence, is very true. heh
Good post. What's your explanation for why girls stay in abusive relationships?
Hertfordshire Man Says:
Great article, some real `true' words there and also amusingly written. I am in a new relationship after a serious one went seriously wrong as you put it and will heed your words of not going down the self pity route of "I am a victim" lol. I really think your words have helped. Many thanks.
you are a twat