So my ex, the army guy, and I are kind of back together (it's complicated what with him being away for training for six months and living in Pennsylvania. We won't be officially back together until he moves to New York).

The thing is, he's being super sweet right now. He is constantly telling me how much he loves me, misses me, wants to be with me, etc. We had this conversation where I told him I much preferred this to the whole him being a jerk thing, and he was like "k, I wasn't sure. I was afraid if I am too nice to you, you'll lose interest because girls only like jerks." Honestly, I'm so much happier than I was before and I really do love the new way he is acting.

Girls like nice guys. I'm so sick of hearing that we don't. Yes, many girls date jerks. But that's just because most guys are jerks  The problem is, most "nice guys" suck at the whole pursuit thing. They do things like let the girl call them with all their problems and they sit and listen while the girl talks about other guys. That's how they end up in the "friend zone" as people seem to be calling it these days. Once you're actually dating a girl, then you can be the guy she calls with all her problems. But before that, it's not a good idea. Not that I'm saying you should be a jerk, but before you're dating a girl, you have to make sure you don't let her think of you "like a brother" or "as her best friend." Some girls go for the whole dating your best friend thing, but most girls don't. If she's talking to you about other guys, you're done. Just forget about her because she will most likely never date you.

But once you start dating, you can stop keeping her at a distance, you can be there for her, you can be the nice guy you are and she'll just think she's so lucky to have found such a good guy.

So I've gone on a few dates with this guy (we'll call him... the foreigner), and I like him. But he's getting way too intense way too fast. He wants to see me every freaking day and he keeps talking about how much he cares about me and likes me and how he thinks I'm "a keeper" and how he doesn't want to go a week without seeing me (I'm going out of town for a bit soon). I tried to tell him this today. That I was getting freaked out. But then he freaked out because he was all "that's just the way I am. I can't change who I am. I could be a jerk and withhold my feelings but that's not the person I am or want to be. And if you're getting freaked out then I'm going to have to start thinking about everything I say or do..." sheesh. He can be very sweet, and on the one hand it's a nice change from the typical stoic New York guy who acts like he could care less about whether you even existed. But on the other hand, I'm not really at a place in my life to get serious and even though he's not asking me to make any commitment (I was very clear with him that we're not exclusive), I still can't help but feel a little smothered by his actions (I don't want to see him all the time. I have a lot of other people I want to spend time with. And while I like cuddling and touching, we don't need to be touching at all times!), and also feel bad because I clearly don't like him as much as he likes me, so I'm starting to feel as if I'm leading him on, even though I've tried to be very upfront with him about where I am in my life now.

I feel like I should probably cut it off now, before it gets to be a really big problem. But I do like him, just not as much as he likes me... And I also feel like if I do cut it off now, right after we had this insanely intense conversation, it will end badly. And we're friends. And we have a lot of the same friends. I don't want to jeopardize my entire social circle. When he first asked me out, he assured me that wouldn't happen and that we would stay friends, even if it didn't work out between us. But with how defensive he was getting tonight, I'm not so sure.

Advice? What do you do when someone is smothering you? How do you tell them (gently) to back off? Or do you just flee in terror?

It's almost that time of year again... You know, the time of year when single people think they have free license to bitch and moan about society and "oh poor me, I'm single. Life sucks." That's right! It's almost Valentine's day! The reason I bring this up is because I got asked out for Valentine's Day last night, and though this is the first time in a long time I've had a real date on Valentine's day, I (unlike many people) am not so bitter about this day. And so I am going to post my pro-Valentine's day manifesto that I wrote last year on my old blog, with some changes of course. Please keep in mind that last year when I wrote this, I had just had a really crappy Valentine's day and I still felt pro- V-day. So here goes:

For those of you say "St. Valentine was a murderer and Valentine's day is a fake holiday invented by greeting card companies," I say, yes, it is, but Coca-Cola invented the Santa Claus we know and love and De Beers popularized the diamond engagement ring. We have lots of traditions given to us by powerful corporations. So what's your point? It's so interesting to me how people "rebel against consumerism" for this one day each year (notice how they don't give a shit the rest of the year...), but really they're just bitter. Besides, even though it can suck for single people (especially single girls, of which I've been one many a Valentine's day), whats wrong with having yet one more day to celebrate the fact that you're alive and you have people in your life that care about you and do something special? And just think about all the delicious candy that's going to go on sale the day afterwards. Mmmmmmm... Candy. Any holiday that revolves around chocolate can't be too bad in my book.

Typically, what I do if I don't have a date lined up (which has happened for quite a few Valentine's Days, especially because of my bad habit of getting involved in long-distance relationships), I go out with friends. One year, my friend and I went to our favorite places in NYC: The Milkshake Co (grilled cheese and milkshakes! mmmmm...) and then pommes frites (french fries with a variety of dipping sauces) and stuffed ourselves silly. Another year we did a brunch. The point is, we didn't sit around being bitter. If you sit around being bitter, then Hallmark wins! You have to make the most of this fake greeting card holiday and say "No! I do not need your Hallmark greeting card to be happy on this day! I can be happy on this day without it because I am awesome with or without a boyfriend/girlfriend!" Then you win and you have taken the power away from Hallmark.

So there. Stop whining about Valentine's day and just do something fun to celebrate. You'll thank me later, I promise.